Only another woman would understand

I read this today in a forum I moderate, and thought I would pass it on. It's true - Only a woman would understand!

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter ….

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen 's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always. . . Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX

Orgasm....the ultimate pleasure....or is it?

Have you ever had a mind-blowing orgasm that took you to the absolute height of pleasure? To a place that must be the closest thing to heaven-on-earth? Well, if you haven't you don't know what you are missing out on. This type of pleasure cannot be put into words; it must be experienced to be appreciated. However, having said that I feel I need to ask another question :

If having an orgasm creates such euphoria, why don't we want to have them as often as we can? Wouldn't everyone like to spend their days in that "special" place that only an orgasm can take us too?

Well, one would think so, but if that were the case I suppose no-one would ever leave home! lol And too, if that were the case, there wouldn't be as many women "faking" orgasm just to get it "over and done with". I mean, why fake something that makes you feel so positively wonderful? Yet lots of women do......(and maybe some men, although I don't think it's as easy for them to fake it.)

Perhaps it's to do with "too much of a good thing" makes you not want it as much, or maybe it's because all that pleasure takes a lot of energy, and we would just be too tired if we did it all the time. I'm sure the economy would suffer too, if we all just stayed home and had mind blowing sex and orgasms all day everyday!

I wonder if the women that fake orgasm do so because they have never actually experienced one; in which case they would have no clue as to what they were missing. Why else, aside from having a totally selfish lover that cannot bring you to orgasm, would you want the sex to be over BEFORE you get to the best part! Kinda like leaving a movie before it ends.....such a waste!

Granted, we all have different needs and our need for sex is often put on a back-burner in this busy day and age, but still.......this is the ultimate in feeling good, and so many find excuses to not participate. Whatever happened to "if it feels good, do it"? It does feel good, but...................

Ok, so there is a fine line between pleasure and pain.............maybe that's the key. Perhaps the fear of crossing that line puts folks off. I don't know; it just doesn't add up really.

It feels good; it burns lots of calories; you can do it with or without a partner; it's free and there is no use by date. What could be better than that? (Besides chocolate, of course!)

Am I the only one that wonders about such things?

Later,
Kazz